Ann Elizabeth Grace, Author

Last week the New York Times ran an article titled “Talk Deeply, Be Happy?” It featured a study showing that the more substantive conversations we have each day, the happier we are likely to be. The article got me thinking about what it means to connect meaningfully with others.

Great conversation is a highlight of my life. I understand the desire to tackle the subjects that weigh on our minds and hearts, especially the ones that hide beneath everyday chitchat. Because of this, I used to automatically categorize some discussions as        “small talk” and others as “deep talk”—and I preferred to swim in the deep end of the pool. When conversations lacked emotional or intellectual gravitas, I felt a lingering emptiness, as if the connection was somehow incomplete. I didn’t realize that my mental labels were actually what was keeping me separate from others—not the interactions themselves.

Somewhere along the way, my experience began to change.   Read more…

Harmonious relationships rest on communication that is honest, compassionate, and responsible. When everything is going smoothly, effective communication is not so difficult. Under stress, however, our ability to communicate empathically is challenged. Because stress triggers our survival instincts, these are the times in which we need to remember that other people’s feelings matter too.

Several years ago I had an experience that taught me how not to communicate under stress. I was standing at an airport counter while a friend waited nearby, trying to sort out complications with a flight. Things were not looking good. As I talked with the airline employee, my friend jumped into the conversation. Although she was trying to be helpful,   I didn’t want to be interrupted at that moment. In a flash, I snapped that I could take care of it myself and waved her away.  Read more…